Thoughts on suicide.

Johnny Seamus-Angus Valentine: February 12th. Cocaine mixed with heroin overdose. He was going to be 21 on Valentine's Day.

That was my best friend. That was my shoulder to cry on. That was my everything to rely on.

So when you ask me where I stand on suicide, just remember that my best friend killed himself. He left me notes that were found several months after his death, blaming me for his suicide, saying that he did it because I couldn't love him - like he loved me. It was true, that his whole heart was trying to reach out and touch me. I saw him like a brother, because that's how close we were. He needed me, I needed him (but he needed drugs) - at first it was a nice symbiotic relationship. He's take my picture, because I'm an aspiring model, they came out beautifully.

Photographs don't seem quite so beautiful anymore. They're not nearly as pleasant to look at when I realize that the photographer could be just like Johnny - falling apart on the inside. Sometimes a photograph needs to be resqued.